Grief & Loss Poems

in awe of god

“She Who in Darkness Found Love and Gain Wings”

My love, I still see you in my dreams
and with my breath I smell your silk enchanted hair.
And while you sleep, I am kissing your sleeping eyes
and your smiles fall on my heart like a balm.

You landed in my life like a white feather from the sky.
And, I wonder if you are an angel who fell on my heart
or the stars from the night sky sent you to touch
the hearts of everyone around you, not just mine?

You, my love, in my life was like a flake of white snow:
gentle, beautiful, wonderful. And I don’t know how
to describe your beauty. Everything that the eyes
see and the heart feels is hard in words to express.

My angel, love of my life I cannot and will not
forget you. In my heart I hold and protect your love
like a star from the sky that now in the days and nights
of my life breaks the darkness.

I will forever be grateful to God for the stars
in your eyes that shone for me and most of all
because I was loved with your innocent soul and
pure heart. My life was blessed with your love.

IN AWE OF GOD

“He Who in Glory of Magnificent Touched the Sky”

My greatest love of all
memory of you and me is still alive inside me. Like in mirror reflection and crystal clear I see the picture of young us. In silence I hear echoes of well-known deep voice of yours. Even though my sight and memories are going through abyss of my heart. Even though many winters and summers, springs and autumns swayed through my life.

Fate connected our hearts together only for a moment of time.Our love did not settle to make its nets from golden threads and shine stars.Then, she made forever and eternal parting between the two of us.You met me on one stair between your many glorious conquering, battles and wars building a path to the top of the biggest mountain of all.

On your way up and with goal of reaching the sky you met me. On your way to a place where a man can only dream about but you wanted to walk. You planned and prepared yourself for its power and glory, not for a love of my heart which was unexpected . And now while I’m digging through life’s memories of my heart I see your picture like a framed amulet and the most precious treasure within my heart

I remember the past days. New thoughts are getting born and they remind me on withered flowers that never bloomed. Such was our love. Like a sacred flower that never bloomed. While counting the years left after you in my loneliness it’s like my life started when I fell in love and met you not when a mother in a distant land across the blue ocean ,many mountains hight at other side of world gave birth to me.

My tears as white pearls instead of your kisses adorn my aged face now while. I am sending you love back there where the end of the mountain is and with your hands you touch the clouds of the sky. And where on top of the world now you are magnificent and glorified man.I know that far away from above sky you look down and I feel your love that makes shield of protections over me.

Down on earth, in monastery I finally found my home. From there I pray for you that on this place where you now live and your hands touch the sky you found happiness and joy within your glory.God final decision made about us and chose our paths. For you heart to become magnificent and touch the sky. For my heart to become sacred and inside darkness make the stars.

Destined to Be Unloved

To open your heart and mind…
To try to find salvation and break loneliness.
Become unfulfilled dream of my living.
Become a weeping scream from far away darkness
I found myself living in.

Why God does not hear my cry?
Why does not he hear cry all of us?
Are not we all his children?
I wonder who’s sins I am paying to live this life?
Life of hurt, abandonment and one where
I am so unloved?

I am praying and my faith is born.
Still, there are moments I ask myself:
Whose decision is this for me to live this life?
Is there light for this dark life I am living?
Is there light of hope for a millions of people
Who are living life same as mine?

After all, what am I and all of us are?
Only grain of sand in infinity of sand.
Only grain of sand in desert dune.
We are all destined to get lost in infinity of time.
This is what all of us are?

Each of us have destiny of own.
Maybe our lives are not God’s decision after all.
However, we need faith to find meaning of our life or living.
If I only could find answer why my mother never loved me?
If I could find answer on this same as I found faith?
Then when is time for me to die I could die in peace
Without any questions on my mind.